I need an ear to listen..................

[YORKIEMOM2B2006]

I will try to make this as short as I can..sorry if it gets a little long...
last Christmas my son came home from Iraq with blood clots in his legs and ptsd ( post tramatic stress disorder) he's had 2 surgeries already, is depressed, and turned to drugs ..let me back up a little, about a month after he was home he moved in with his babies mom as a couple.....he cant still work because of the blood clots......every week, heck almost every day they fight and argue over little things and bigger at times...each time one or the other call sme into it.......I cant tell you how many times I have got a truck to move his things, a storgae unit, for them to makeup and be ok for a short time...it is really taking a toll on me,,,,,now 3 days ago, my son finally is getting help for the ptsd, he is in a 10-12 week program which will also help him with the drug problem. anyway now there arguing again over a phone call...and they both say things they dont really mean when there fighting, so now he says he is signing out in the morning and i am to go get him.....sheis a mess, im stressing bad again theres a lot more but i dont want to bore you or make you read a book....I want to and have been there for my son through everything, but I really dont know how much more I can take....do this, no dont do it, get my stuff, no dont get it, her yelling at me him yelling to me about her omg im a mess..i guess i just need to talk about it maybe someone has some good advice for me....I dont know

and im worried about my oldest son who has cancer, had 2 surgeries already, and its still there, so he goes to a hospital in new york soon for a 2nd opinion and possibly another surgery then the strongest radiation there is...
when i went to my dr last week because i couldnt move my neck he put me on xanax again, i didnt like taking them before but this time I hope they help....I'm just a worrying stressed out mess

[ytsirk27]

I dont have any advice really but I wanted to say your family is in my prayers.

[simonandhallie]

I'm so sorry you are going throught this. You are in my thoughts. Is there a way you can force your son to stay in the rehabilitation program? It sounds like it is just what he needs. Time away from the girlfriend and time to heal.

I hope for the best for your other son with cancer, I will pray that the second opinion will provide positive results.

Good Luck to you and your family~

[YORKIEMOM2B2006]

thank you both, no I cant make him stay...it was his idea, he asked the dr if he can please go there... and can sign himself out..and I agree he needs to be there.......

[Yorkie3]

Sorry you are having to go through all this. It's so hard not to be involved when it comes to our children, no matter what their age. You and your family are in my prayers. I'm sure "He" won't give you more than you can handle.

[LuvtheCooper]

Bless your heart, you are having a rough time. Sending a big hug your way.
My opinion is that you can only help people so much and it looks like you have reached that end with the one son. I would explain to him that this situation between him and his girlfriend and his health is taking a toll on your health and you cannot intervene between them anymore, that they need to work on their own problems without dragging you into it. Sometimes to help people stand on their own, you have to make them do it. I am sure it is hard and I wish you all the best and him and his girlfriend too. Also, hope your other son get some good news. Get well soon to all of you!!!

[chattiesmom]

What a load you are carrying around. I hope you can convince your son to stay with the program and get the help he needs to get well. I will keep you and both your sons in my prayers and I'm sending you a huge

[Baby Blessing]

Originally Posted by LuvtheCooper

Bless your heart, you are having a rough time. Sending a big hug your way.
My opinion is that you can only help people so much and it looks like you have reached that end with the one son. I would explain to him that this situation between him and his girlfriend and his health is taking a toll on your health and you cannot intervene between them anymore, that they need to work on their own problems without dragging you into it. Sometimes to help people stand on their own, you have to make them do it. I am sure it is hard and I wish you all the best and him and his girlfriend too. Also, hope your other son get some good news. Get well soon to all of you!!!

I totally agree with Luv the Cooper. Please take care of yourself, as you mentioned the Dr. has you on a low dose of meds for stress, you sure don't want to get yourself down or end up having a stress related stroke. It can happen. Who will then take care of you????? Prayers for all to go better there and all to be well. Patti and Baby Blessing

[IluvLucy]

God bless you. I wish there was something I could do to help. Just know that I'll be thinking of you and praying for you and your situation.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!

[sharong]

I commend you for the love and concern for your son and I am sure that he needs you but I think that you need to let him start being responsible for his behavior and seek answers for himself. I learned through a son of mine that I had to learn to "let go" and force him to grow up and be responsible for himself and his actions and decisions. I tried to rescue him through everything and I was always right there for him to pick him up. So many people told me "tough love". I finally saw how much it was affecting my life and my other children that I knew I had to give him a push and be accountable for himself. It was very hard but got easier and was very good for him also.

You have to think about yourself and your health. You also have an ill son who needs you. Put some responsibility on your son and let him know what it's doing to you and his brother. You don't need the added stress and worry.

Sorry to sound so cold hearted, but with six children and a crappy first husband, I have lived through and learned so much.

You and your family are in our prayers.

[YORKIEMOM2B2006]

thank you for all the prayers. it is so hard sometimes....I did tell my son and g/.f weeks ago I didnt want either of them to call me when there having problems, they just dont listen..I cant cut him off completely..not now..with everuthing going on with him
I just dont know how to get through without cutting him off altogether..I cant do that. I mean I'm the only one who is always there for him no matter what....now that he got into drugs..when things go wrong the 1st thing he heads for is just that, unless Im right there to talk to him and change his mind... now i have had to take my phone off the hook for the night...im watching my daughters kids and the 3 year old is asleep and so is my 6 year old they both keep calling me back and forth i told them its emnough, but had to take the phone off the hook to stop it..now i feel bad that my son cant call me.... that i cut him off for the night

[YORKIEMOM2B2006]

sharong how did you start to let go without totally cutting him off?....ive never had to deal with this before, my kids are 33< son with cancer, 30< daughter, 26< son with the g/f 15 and 6 ....i was and am always there for all my kids..i just dont know which way to go

[LunasMomma]

I'm so sorry, you've got way too much on your plate and you're in my prayers for sure

For what it's worth, I don't think that you should just "cut him off", but maybe tell him that you will always be there to listen and to maybe give some advice, but he needs to work out his own drug/girlfriend issues. I've witnessed the toll that my ex husband's drug/criminal behavior had on his parents, they were always bailing him out of trouble and rescuing him time and time again, only to be kicked in the teeth for their kindness To this day, they STILL send him money, meanwhile he does nothing for our son, or his two other sons he's fathered since then. Tough love is the way to go, and that doesn't mean that you have to give up on him, it just means that you have to stop doing things for him and just be supportive without getting sucked into his problems. I'm sorry that he can't work, and I'm sure that is taking a huge toll on how he feels as a man, but the drugs sure as heck aren't going to help him heal.

BIG HUGS!

[Patti]

Keeping you in my prayers for the strength you need to deal with so much!

[LuvMySissy]

I hope this morning that things might start to look up for you. I agree that you have to be firm with your son and his girlfriend that you will not listen to their troubles and tell them you are hanging up and then do so. Don't feel bad about taking the phone off the hook last night, your son was in a treatment center where he has trained counselors to talk to. Perhaps this isn't the right time for him to be there since he doesn't sound 100% invested in getting better and that is the only way it will help him. His girlfriend needs to be in counseling with him!! All treatment centers have family therapy groups. I would also tell him you will not pick him up. If he signs himself out, he will have to find his own transportation. Maybe that will make him think a little.

Please make sure you are taking care of yourself. Not being able to move your neck is because you are so stressed that your muscles are literally seizing up and freezing in that clenched position! You can be there for him without going overboard. Set your boundaries and tell him what you will and won't do and then make sure you stick to it.

I certainly hope there is good news for your other son. Thoughts and prayers will be coming your way along with a big hug!