Sorry I just really need to vent

[shecass]

Forgive me if this is long. Please bear with me.

I talked to my mom last night now keep in mind that she is 64 years old has major back problems has for the last 40+ years. She has had a spinal cord stimulator for the last 5+ years which really helps alot. Last Wed she had to have the battery replaced after 4 1/2 years well they replaced it with a rechargeable one that is suppose to last twice as long. They had to make a longer incision to take out the old lead and put the new one in.

Anyway, she is doing fine from this. My beef is with my brother and his wife. I haven't said anything to them because my mom has asked no let me rephrase that begged me not to.

They have 3 kids 3, 6 & 8 years old. For the last year or longer and this has been off and on ever since the oldest was born for the last 8 years. Even when my dad was sick before he died.

Sorry getting off topic. They say they can't afford day care for 1 child which I know is expensive but they make double the salary that my husbands makes, my sister-in-law just got a new job make $70,000 a year and I think my brother makes this as well. Anyway my sister-in-law loves to spend money. They are taking advantage of my mom she's not there now but only because she had this surgery on her back but, I know she is going back there one day next week. My SIL was diagnosed a few months back with fibromalygia so I know she doesn't feel well but, she has got to feel better than my 64 year old mother who cooks, cleans, and takes care of her 3 kids and the only thing my mom has told me she does around the house is when they grill out she cooks then other than that she doesn't do anything.

When I had my reduction done in July my mom came down to stay with me for the week, now I did not ask her to she volunteered and I paid for her gas her and back. Ethan was so looking forward to having some 1 on 1 time with Granny but, that didn't happen she had to bring all 3 of my brother's kids. Don't get me wrong they are good kids. I didn't say anything to her because I don't want to upset her. But, my brother and his wife should have know better the only thing I ever hear from my sister in law not my brother is how much debt they are in and how she wishes they could afford daycare.

Let me tell you I had to bite my tongue. They go out monthly if not more and spend a few hundred dollars at least one weekend out of the month by going to amusement parks and they have a time share. It's is definitely not uncommon for them to drop $100 a week on toys for the kids.

On top of all of this they don't even give my mom any money at all for her gas or the things that she gets for the kids when she has to go to the store. She buys groceries when they need them and they don't even offer to pay her anything.

With all the work she does at their house with there kids, they would have to pay someone else at least $400 a week. It's a good thing that I don't talk to them more than I do or they would both be mad at me because once I get started it's hard for me to quit.

Anyway my mom told me last night that she would probably be there at least another year. My mom's dog she has a yorkie poo she had puppies on the 4th of this month so they are almost a month old. Well Wyatt is the daddy she was in heat when mom was here when I had my surgery and we didn't realize it. Anyway, of course they want one. I told mom that they don't need one they can't take care of the animals that they have. Mom gave them the sister to Tigger the one that had pups and they let her out wasn't watching her and some wild dogs in the neighborhood killed it. This is not where they live now this was in TN they are in NC now. Anyway, that's when I was told that she would be there for at least another year.

What's so sad about this whole thing is that it's like my mom only has 1 son instead of 3 children and only 3 grandkids instead of 9 + 1 great granddaughter. My brother and his wife are just so oblivious to this. It just blows my mind.

Sorry this is so long. I don't blame anyone who doesn't want to read it. I will go now you guys are probably tired of hearing me vent.

[vainchick5]

Sheila I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time with your family. We all have our issues with them. I think maybe you can convince your mom to tell them she just doesn't feel well or strong enough to care for 3 kids anymore, plus she's got puppies coming. I think you should really help your mom maybe come up with a way to talk to them about it. It's not right to take advantage of an older lady when clearly they have the financial means. Take it easy and don't stress too much about it. If you get too involved it could cause more issues. Just talk to your mom about it and tell her you can help her resolve it but that she needs to take the initial step in talking to them.

[LuvMySissy]

This is a really crappy situation and it is a difficult position you are in. But even if you were to say something to your brother and SIL, ultimately your mom will still continue to do what she does. It's an enabling pattern and she is the only one who can put an end to it. Daycare isn't inexpensive, but if they are both making $70K a year, they can certainly afford it!!! The both sound really spoiled and selfish, but they have had help getting this way.

As long as your mom is willing to continue doing this, there is really nothing you can do, except make yourself crazy over a situation you have no control.

[shecass]

I just told her recently that if this is what she really wants to do that I will not say anything again. She know how my sister and I both feel. But ultimately if she is happy doing it then, I told her I would not say anything to my brother. But, I also told her that if I even felt like she didn't want to do this anymore that I would say something to them then.

Thanks guys I just really had to vent.

She was even with my brother when my Grandfather her dad died and she really needed to be with him even though he had not been sick he did have maculardegeneration(sp) and I know she has beat herself up over not being there and now she is the executor to his estate and she has to be at my grandfathers as much as possible to get all of this taken care of.

It's just a mess.

Thanks again guys for letting me vent.

[JeanieK]

Sounds like you have a right to vent. But maybe your kmother enjoys doing this and it makes her feel needed.

Being a grandmother, and having 6 kids of my own, I am sure the rest of them probably complain to each other about how much I do for the daughter that lives in my same town, all the others have moved away.

some days I would rather not have to watch the kids, but I really believe these kids need me. My daughter and sil are basically lazy and they don't do things with the kids, they spend their money foolishly, they're not wealthy but they could have more if they managed better.

They have 4 kids and live in a very small, (I think my garage is bigger) 2 bedroom house. They are on top of each other all the time. My 7 year old grand daughter shares a tiny bedroom with her two brothers and the baby sleeps in a play pen in my daughters bedroom.

I do it because I feel that the kids need me. They are talking of moving away also, and the thought of it breaks my heart. I've basicalldfy rasied those kids.

[shecass]

Originally Posted by LuvMySissy

This is a really crappy situation and it is a difficult position you are in. But even if you were to say something to your brother and SIL, ultimately your mom will still continue to do what she does. It's an enabling pattern and she is the only one who can put an end to it. Daycare isn't inexpensive, but if they are both making $70K a year, they can certainly afford it!!! The both sound really spoiled and selfish, but they have had help getting this way.

As long as your mom is willing to continue doing this, there is really nothing you can do, except make yourself crazy over a situation you have no control.

I agree completely I'm 7 years older than my brother and my sister is 11 years older than he is. So we were out of the house while he was still in elementary school and he is a mama's boy at 34 years old. I know as long as she feels they need her to do this she will, no matter what we have to say about it.

Like I said previously the other grandkids are being cheated. My sister just went through a nasty divorce and could have really used my mom for moral support not to mention just being there for my sisters kids.

Sorry I will stop now.

[vainchick5]

Originally Posted by shecass

I agree completely I'm 7 years older than my brother and my sister is 11 years older than he is. So we were out of the house while he was still in elementary school and he is a mama's boy at 34 years old. I know as long as she feels they need her to do this she will, no matter what we have to say about it.

Like I said previously the other grandkids are being cheated. My sister just went through a nasty divorce and could have really used my mom for moral support not to mention just being there for my sisters kids.

Sorry I will stop now.

That's what we're all here for to talk about our babies, and to vent on the side Feel free to keep venting if it makes you feel better

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by shecass

I agree completely I'm 7 years older than my brother and my sister is 11 years older than he is. So we were out of the house while he was still in elementary school and he is a mama's boy at 34 years old. I know as long as she feels they need her to do this she will, no matter what we have to say about it.

Like I said previously the other grandkids are being cheated. My sister just went through a nasty divorce and could have really used my mom for moral support not to mention just being there for my sisters kids.

Sorry I will stop now.

It's OK you're frustrated with the situation an have a right to be. But as you said it has to be your mothers decision. It's not easy being a MOM to adult children. they each have different ideas of how MOM should be spending her time.

[shecass]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

Sounds like you have a right to vent. But maybe your kmother enjoys doing this and it makes her feel needed.

Being a grandmother, and having 6 kids of my own, I am sure the rest of them probably complain to each other about how much I do for the daughter that lives in my same town, all the others have moved away.

some days I would rather not have to watch the kids, but I really believe these kids need me. My daughter and sil are basically lazy and they don't do things with the kids, they spend their money foolishly, they're not wealthy but they could have more if they managed better.

They have 4 kids and live in a very small, (I think my garage is bigger) 2 bedroom house. They are on top of each other all the time. My 7 year old grand daughter shares a tiny bedroom with her two brothers and the baby sleeps in a play pen in my daughters bedroom.

I do it because I feel that the kids need me. They are talking of moving away also, and the thought of it breaks my heart. I've basicalldfy rasied those kids.

I know in my heart she is doing this because she wants to and she does enjoy being with the kids which I don't mind in the least as long as it is what she wants to do. I also know that she's lonely my grandmother has been dead now for 5 years my dad for almost 3 and my grandfather just this past May. But, she has most of her family in VA. My brother lives in NC. My biggest complaint is that she doesn't get to spend any time with her other grandkids. Ethan, my son loves his granny more than anything he has to talk to her everynight before he goes to bed and he would so love just to have her to himself for a few days.

Thanks again everyone.

[LuvMySissy]

Originally Posted by JeanieK

It's OK you're frustrated with the situation an have a right to be. But as you said it has to be your mothers decision. It's not easy being a MOM to adult children. they each have different ideas of how MOM should be spending her time.

You sure hit the nail on the head here!!!

[JeanieK]

Originally Posted by shecass

I know in my heart she is doing this because she wants to and she does enjoy being with the kids which I don't mind in the least as long as it is what she wants to do. I also know that she's lonely my grandmother has been dead now for 5 years my dad for almost 3 and my grandfather just this past May. But, she has most of her family in VA. My brother lives in NC. My biggest complaint is that she doesn't get to spend any time with her other grandkids. Ethan, my son loves his granny more than anything he has to talk to her everynight before he goes to bed and he would so love just to have her to himself for a few days.

Thanks again everyone.

It sounds like your family is pretty scattered out too. besides the daughter that lives here in Council Bluffs, I have one in Wisconsin, Pregnant with her first child, One 2 1/2 hours north of me in SD pregnant with her third child. One 2 1/2 south of me in Kansas City, one in Tennessee and a son in Wales UK with 2 children. I wish they all lived close enough so I could be with everyone of of them as much as I want. It woukld help if gas prices weren't so high so I could afford to visit them all more often.

I'm sure your mother feels the same way.