what to do about Niece

[chachi]

My niece Samantha is morbidly obese and I am very concerned about her and her situation. She is 8 yrs old and weighs 190 lbs. Her doctor has told her Mom that her heart cant support that kind of weight she has to lose weight. She gets picked on at school because she is so much bigger than the other kids. Her parents are overweight also and her Grandma. Even with what the doctor has told them the parents are still taking her to buffets and getting tons of food for her. Her Grandmas does the same thing orders her alot of fatting type of food. We have asked Samantha if she is on her diet and she says no but Im taking gym 3 days a week. Taking gym 3 days a week but still overeating isnt going to do a thing. We have tried to help, My husband is on a diet and has dieting experience and said he would help her. We have offered for her to come down and walk on our treadmill or get on our ab machine. We have offered to take her on mini marathon walks. No matter what we offer the parents have an excuse why they cant do it. The Mom said a while back she enrolled her in a class for obese children but so far she hasnt went. I dont know what more I can do Im so worried samantha is going to have a heart attack. What would you do

[rubymoon2072]

omg that is a very hard situation with the parents showing her the road. wow i dont know what i would do. short of you going and picking her up and making her do these workouts.....not sure there is anything without mom and dad on board to enforce better exercise and eating habits. good luck i hope it takes a turn for the better.

[TraciG]

I don't think ther is anything you CAN do for her. My nephew will be 14 in June and wears a mens XXX L shirt and size 38/40 waist in pants. I have tried everything as well, but kids that are that overweight need constant motivation and praise. If you aren't there 24/7 then sadly you aren't going to be able to help. It is really frustrating and sad at the same time. My nephew won't even swim because he is so embarrassed of his weight, but will sit there and watch everyone else swim and devour a bag of chips at the same time.

[chachi]

Originally Posted by rubymoon2072

omg that is a very hard situation with the parents showing her the road. wow i dont know what i would do. short of you going and picking her up and making her do these workouts.....not sure there is anything without mom and dad on board to enforce better exercise and eating habits. good luck i hope it takes a turn for the better.

I know I just wish there was some way to convince the parents to get on board. Im afraid its going to take something really bad before they do get on board. It is just really hard for me because 20 years ago My 7 yr old Son passed because he had a genetic heart problem. So I really know the importance they should be putting on this

[jadabug]

That poor baby IMO parents should be held accountable. I know that with most obese children it has a lot to do with genetics, along with diet and exercise or lack thereof. But a child that young can't drive to the restuarants or purchase her own food. It is such a sad situation. Maybe when school is out invite her to spend a few days a week with you. You and your DH could get her started exercising and eating healthier.
It will be hard if her parents and grandparents aren't trying to help her. {{hugs}} to you for trying to change her life and her future.

[lynzy420]

Originally Posted by chachi

My niece Samantha is morbidly obese and I am very concerned about her and her situation. She is 8 yrs old and weighs 190 lbs. Her doctor has told her Mom that her heart cant support that kind of weight she has to lose weight. She gets picked on at school because she is so much bigger than the other kids. Her parents are overweight also and her Grandma. Even with what the doctor has told them the parents are still taking her to buffets and getting tons of food for her. Her Grandmas does the same thing orders her alot of fatting type of food. We have asked Samantha if she is on her diet and she says no but Im taking gym 3 days a week. Taking gym 3 days a week but still overeating isnt going to do a thing. We have tried to help, My husband is on a diet and has dieting experience and said he would help her. We have offered for her to come down and walk on our treadmill or get on our ab machine. We have offered to take her on mini marathon walks. No matter what we offer the parents have an excuse why they cant do it. The Mom said a while back she enrolled her in a class for obese children but so far she hasnt went. I dont know what more I can do Im so worried samantha is going to have a heart attack. What would you do

Oh Chachi I know how hard this is, especially when you care about the child. I am going to offer advice to you based on my experience in my job. I have seen these cases and people like you come here and beg for help for their niece, nephew, grandchild...because they feel so helpless, what I have found and what I believe and what i counsel them to do is call SOCIAL SERVICES HOTLINE (often because of my work I am mandated to do this as well). There is nothing to fear by calling them, usually its a blessing in disguise. The cases you hear on the news of bad experiences are far fewer than the good they do everyday.

You can call anonymously, explain the situation to them. It is a difficult decision but I believe warranted. They are not going to go drag that child from her home, they are going to go make the parents etc., accountable and compel them to do what is best for their child.

I truly am sorry that your probably not liking my advice but ChaChi for the good of this child and her LIFE, please do the right thing, you have tried everything else.

Your a wonderful caring Aunt, please continue to support her, often the children in these situations need people like you, she hears you....God Bless and good luck..

[chachi]

Originally Posted by lynzy420

Oh Chachi I know how hard this is, especially when you care about the child. I am going to offer advice to you based on my experience in my job. I have seen these cases and people like you come here and beg for help for their niece, nephew, grandchild...because they feel so helpless, what I have found and what I believe and what i counsel them to do is call SOCIAL SERVICES HOTLINE (often because of my work I am mandated to do this as well). There is nothing to fear by calling them, usually its a blessing in disguise. The cases you hear on the news of bad experiences are far fewer than the good they do everyday.

You can call anonymously, explain the situation to them. It is a difficult decision but I believe warranted. They are not going to go drag that child from her home, they are going to go make the parents etc., accountable and compel them to do what is best for their child.

I truly am sorry that your probably not liking my advice but ChaChi for the good of this child and her LIFE, please do the right thing, you have tried everything else.

Your a wonderful caring Aunt, please continue to support her, often the children in these situations need people like you, she hears you....God Bless and good luck..

I agree with you but if I did they would know it was me. My Sister in Law is a real case and a couple of years ago she would scream and terrorize my daughter and I threatened her with calling CVS. I dont have a good relationship with the parents neither does my husband even though it is his brother and his brother works for him and they live 2 houses down. We really dont have a relationship with the parents but we do with Samantha and all this information we are getting about her is coming from the Grandma. I would call them for Samanthas stake but it would cause a big rift in the family and between MY Husband and I

[rubymoon2072]

Originally Posted by chachi

I know I just wish there was some way to convince the parents to get on board. Im afraid its going to take something really bad before they do get on board. It is just really hard for me because 20 years ago My 7 yr old Son passed because he had a genetic heart problem. So I really know the importance they should be putting on this

i am very sorry for the loss of your son. i cannot even imagine how much this is effecting your heart. i will keep samantha in my thoughts hoping she will realize the importance of her health and a path for her to jump on board to be more healthy for her own well being.

[blackstone]

sorry, this might not be waht you want to hear but exercise will not really help in this case. the amount of exercise she would need is just not possible.
the only thing is reduce calorie intake. and this needs to be gradual otherwise the body can go into shock and shut down

[LunasMomma]

That is a tough situation. It amounts to child abuse. Her health is in imminent danger. Diabetes and heart disease, not to mention cancers, are certainly in her future if nothing is done Is trying to keep the family intact more important than this helpless child's life?

[Baby Teddy]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. Samantha's parents seem to be ignorant about the whole situation. I know that she is only 8 years old, but it seems like loosing weight is a decision she will need to make on her own as her parents seem to be ignoring the situation. Have you ever seen that show "My 600lb Life"? Maybe she could watch that with you?

There is so much controversy about having morbidly obese children taken from their parents. I think letting your child become obese is a form of child abuse. A boy from my high school died from obesity in his parents home. He was too big to leave the house so the parents were clearly buying the food for him. He was so large that they had to cut him out of his home when he passed. It made me really think about what was going on with those parents. I really think that they were giving him the food because they felt bad for him. Here is an article published by CDC that might help Healthy Weight: Tips for Parents | DNPAO | CDC

In essence because she is so young...her parents really need to get on board with the weight loss. I think if the problem continues you should call social services. Could you talk to her teacher or the school? Maybe they can make the call so you are not stuck in the middle? Also, hiring a nutrionist might help too. How tall is she if you don't mind me asking?

[chachi]

Originally Posted by Baby Teddy

I am so very sorry for the loss of your son. Samantha's parents seem to be ignorant about the whole situation. I know that she is only 8 years old, but it seems like loosing weight is a decision she will need to make on her own as her parents seem to be ignoring the situation. Have you ever seen that show "My 600lb Life"? Maybe she could watch that with you?

There is so much controversy about having morbidly obese children taken from their parents. I think letting your child become obese is a form of child abuse. A boy from my high school died from obesity in his parents home. He was too big to leave the house so the parents were clearly buying the food for him. He was so large that they had to cut him out of his home when he passed. It made me really think about what was going on with those parents. I really think that they were giving him the food because they felt bad for him. Here is an article published by CDC that might help Healthy Weight: Tips for Parents | DNPAO | CDC

In essence because she is so young...her parents really need to get on board with the weight loss. I think if the problem continues you should call social services. Could you talk to her teacher or the school? Maybe they can make the call so you are not stuck in the middle? Also, hiring a nutrionist might help too. How tall is she if you don't mind me asking?

In our Society it is not so cut and dry that it is child abuse even though I believe when its to the extent Samantha is it is. Thats what Im thinking to that it needs to be the school that makes the call. They are the professionals that could make that call. They are involved with her giving her 2 extra P. E. classes so they are aware there is a problem. If I made the call it would be turned around that I am making it for personal reasons because of the problems between me and the Mother

[jmdt]

What about calling the school nurse? She could make the call if she gets no where with the parents. I really don't know. Just an idea.

[Baby Blessing]

Originally Posted by blackstone

sorry, this might not be waht you want to hear but exercise will not really help in this case. the amount of exercise she would need is just not possible.
the only thing is reduce calorie intake. and this needs to be gradual otherwise the body can go into shock and shut down

Chachi and TraciG, I am so sorry that you are not able to help these two young ones. I hope that somehow, someway they can get help as it is so very much needed.

I think we are living in a time of many folks not being concerned about their nutritional value in what they eat. Weight don't come off with just excercise and it can be dangerous it takes the will power of knowing what to eat and also when not to eat, children need this coming from who ever is overseeing their needs, evidentally this isn't being done so someone is going to have to step in and try to help these children.

Chachi, I have gotten myself involved in situations that I didn't really want to in my life time and when I look back, I don't have any regrets in my involvement and ended up being thankful I did and made the decisions that were my choice.

Chachi, I pray that you can find an answer to helping your niece, and also TraciG that your nephew too will get help in loosing the weight. There is a GREAT NEED FOR SOMEONE TO HELP THEM, I see too many children suffering and going through hardships that they shouldn't have too, and it all starts in the home, PARENTING RESPONSABILITY.

Hugs, Patti and Jack

[gidget529]

Originally Posted by chachi

I know I just wish there was some way to convince the parents to get on board. Im afraid its going to take something really bad before they do get on board. It is just really hard for me because 20 years ago My 7 yr old Son passed because he had a genetic heart problem. So I really know the importance they should be putting on this

Chachi, I am so sorry to hear you lost a child to congenital heart disease. I'm sure it breaks your heart to watch this child's life essentially "not be valued" by her parents w their actions towards her health. I'm sure they do not realize that is what it looks like to others, but I'm sure this is upsetting to watch.

Maybe you and your husband could call the school nurse together and ask for her help. I'm sure the call would be kept anonymous and most health care workers are very concerned about a child's health and wellbeing. Perhaps she could set up meetings to meet w the parents and arrange to have them meet w school nutritionists to help get this going (and w the school already making increased PT for her, your phone call would not be suspected).

I wish you luck w whatever the two of you decide.