In Beloved Memory John Wayne 6/14/2008 - YorkieTalk.com Forums

missdesis · 06-26-2008, 07:29 PM

My husband and I decided to purchase a Yorkie almost two years ago. We chose one from a breeder close to home. He came with the name John Wayne. That is actually what helped us to fall in love with him before we even met. Finally the day came when he blessed us. From the moment we brought him home he brought us so much joy. He was my best friend! I am a work from home/stay at home mom. He was always there for me. Everyone loved him. He was truely amazing. He never had a moment in his life when he wasnt loved, even at the breeder. They were a small breeder and took great care of their pups. He was the golden child of the breed. Everyone loved him, truely.

I made the fateful mistake of allowing him to roam my yard, attended but not leashed. The whole family knew to stay with him and he stayed in the yard. One day, something took his curiosity and he got away from my 8 year old son. I was unable to take him out myself because I was recovering from a total hip replacement. My son, thinking he would come back, got side tracked and moved on to something else.

I will never forget the moment I realized he was gone. The local police knocked on my door... and that is when my world stopped. I was in disbelief that it was MY BABY! After my husband brought him home for his final farewell I didnt know what to do. Nothing I did could help that pain go away. It has been almost two weeks and I am still lost. I truely felt like someone had ripped my heart out. It felt as if I lost a child - in some ways I did. I think back to how I could have done things differently. I have to live with this guilt, yes I deserve it. I had the perfect pet for me and my family and one decision to not chain him out changed our world forever. Not a day goes by when I dont think about what I could have done.

We made the decision today to get another yorkie baby. That was both bitter & sweet. I have a second chance, but do I deserve it? Everything our new baby does reminds me of John Wayne and I just think I should still be sitting with JW on my lap right now. I should be headed off to bed with him in tow. He should be able to meet his little brother and "show him the way."

I am making him a beautiful garden around his final resting place. I visit him often and just talk. I wonder if I am ever going to see him again. I wonder if he forgives me for being so irresponsible. I wonder what he was thinking when he ran off. I wonder what I did to deserve to feel so much grief. I wonder why my time with him was so short.

But I take some comfort in knowing that I had almost two wonderful years with him that I would not trade for anything. I am just being greedy and feel I should have had so many more. I knew what he meant to me. I always told him that when he was alive. I take comfort in knowing that I gave him my all and that he could not have been loved anymore.

My emotions are still mixed and I just dont know what to do. I hope that time does heal this wound. But then I wonder if I deserve to be forgiven for letting something so important to me get away.

No one understands the grief you experience when loosing a pet. I didnt understand until now. I feel like I am crazy for feeling the way I do. I just felt as if I could not go on. Some people made comments that were hurtful and placed blame, some just didnt want to listen. I didnt have anywhere else to go or anyone else to talk to. I hope that by posting this blog I will find the support that I need. If not, I am glad to just let it all out.

John Wayne was wonderful. My new puppy is not to replace him, that is impossible. I think I was meant to get this puppy. I have a lot of love to give and didnt think it was fair to let it all go to waste. There are so many puppies out there that need a good loving home. This one is just more improved and loving.

Baby Blessing · 06-26-2008, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by missdesis

My husband and I decided to purchase a Yorkie almost two years ago. We chose one from a breeder close to home. He came with the name John Wayne. That is actually what helped us to fall in love with him before we even met. Finally the day came when he blessed us. From the moment we brought him home he brought us so much joy. He was my best friend! I am a work from home/stay at home mom. He was always there for me. Everyone loved him. He was truely amazing. He never had a moment in his life when he wasnt loved, even at the breeder. They were a small breeder and took great care of their pups. He was the golden child of the breed. Everyone loved him, truely.

I made the fateful mistake of allowing him to roam my yard, attended but not leashed. The whole family knew to stay with him and he stayed in the yard. One day, something took his curiosity and he got away from my 8 year old son. I was unable to take him out myself because I was recovering from a total hip replacement. My son, thinking he would come back, got side tracked and moved on to something else.

I will never forget the moment I realized he was gone. The local police knocked on my door... and that is when my world stopped. I was in disbelief that it was MY BABY! After my husband brought him home for his final farewell I didnt know what to do. Nothing I did could help that pain go away. It has been almost two weeks and I am still lost. I truely felt like someone had ripped my heart out. It felt as if I lost a child - in some ways I did. I think back to how I could have done things differently. I have to live with this guilt, yes I deserve it. I had the perfect pet for me and my family and one decision to not chain him out changed our world forever. Not a day goes by when I dont think about what I could have done.

We made the decision today to get another yorkie baby. That was both bitter & sweet. I have a second chance, but do I deserve it? Everything our new baby does reminds me of John Wayne and I just think I should still be sitting with JW on my lap right now. I should be headed off to bed with him in tow. He should be able to meet his little brother and "show him the way."

I am making him a beautiful garden around his final resting place. I visit him often and just talk. I wonder if I am ever going to see him again. I wonder if he forgives me for being so irresponsible. I wonder what he was thinking when he ran off. I wonder what I did to deserve to feel so much grief. I wonder why my time with him was so short.

But I take some comfort in knowing that I had almost two wonderful years with him that I would not trade for anything. I am just being greedy and feel I should have had so many more. I knew what he meant to me. I always told him that when he was alive. I take comfort in knowing that I gave him my all and that he could not have been loved anymore.

My emotions are still mixed and I just dont know what to do. I hope that time does heal this wound. But then I wonder if I deserve to be forgiven for letting something so important to me get away.

No one understands the grief you experience when loosing a pet. I didnt understand until now. I feel like I am crazy for feeling the way I do. I just felt as if I could not go on. Some people made comments that were hurtful and placed blame, some just didnt want to listen. I didnt have anywhere else to go or anyone else to talk to. I hope that by posting this blog I will find the support that I need. If not, I am glad to just let it all out.

John Wayne was wonderful. My new puppy is not to replace him, that is impossible. I think I was meant to get this puppy. I have a lot of love to give and didnt think it was fair to let it all go to waste. There are so many puppies out there that need a good loving home. This one is just more improved and loving.

I just sent you a pm my heart feels your pain and we know the feelings you are going through. I shall keep you in my prayers. I am so happy to hear you got a new baby. Yes, I was so happy to read what you said:

Quote:

I think I was meant to get this puppy. I have a lot of love to give and didnt think it was fair to let it all go to waste. There are so many puppies out there that need a good loving home.

Please don't blame yourself for what happened, I will be praying that you will only remember the happy times with John Wayne. We are here for you if you ever need someone to talk to just send us a pm.
I truely believe God gives us such a loving heart for these precious furbabies they are such a wonderful gift from him, I am so happy that your heart was led to get another. Bless you and your family and your new little lad/las there. What did you name your new baby?

Also I want to say welcome to yorkie talk, you are going to love it here. Many, many wonderful folks here.

Patti and Jack and girls.

MeganS · 06-26-2008, 08:12 PM

I am in tears with reading your post. I can feel your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. You've done nothing wrong. It was a horrible, tragic, freak accident. It happens all the time, sadly. Bless you. you will be in my prayers.

jeffandkim · 06-26-2008, 08:23 PM

You are not crazy for feeling this grief...I think you got it exactly right when you said that no one understands the grief of losing a pet, until they are forced to go through it. I don't think I really understood it until I lost my cat this past weekend. I can also sympathize with your guilt and questions about what more you could have done, because my little boy wasn't even 6 years old. Maybe if we'd brought him to the vet more, she would have had more time to figure out what was wrong...It's hard to let the questions go.

I wasn't there when my cat died (he had been living with my parents for two years)--I was in Houston, on my way to see the new puppy my bf and I will be bringing home in a couple months. I felt so guilty, like I was already planning my cat's replacement. But in my heart, I know that nothing will ever replacement. This puppy will be so loved, but for who she is and not as some replacement for my cat. I have enough love for them both.

This is longer than I meant it to be, but I just wanted you to know that I read your post and saw myself in it some, and I wanted to say that you aren't alone in your grief. Rest in peace, John Wayne, and best wishes to you and your new puppy, who is lucky to have you!

YorkieChick1 · 06-26-2008, 08:53 PM

This tribute to John Wayne really touched my heart... I had to read it to my husband who was touched as well. We lost one of our Yorkies, Butchie, to a tragic accident too. He drowned in a neighbors pool. We beat ourselves up about it also with all the could have, would have and should have's. He was only 4 years old and my hubbie's favorite. Time will dull the pain but JW will always be in your heart. It has been 8 years for us and I can smile now when I see Butch's photo. But sometimes I will open up his music box that contain his ashes and hear the music "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away...." and I still get tears in my eyes. Sending you hugs and strength to get through this. Give a kiss to that new boy from us!

4doggiemama · 06-26-2008, 09:19 PM

My heart is breaking for you. I would think that all your questions are very normal to be asking. I sure you realize that many, many of us have made mistakes that can't be taken back. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Joanne

Sloan · 06-26-2008, 10:28 PM

My heart is filled with sadness for loss. Your story of John Wayne brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and sending you comfort during this very difficult time.

Your new pup is very lucky to be the recipient of so much love. He will fill your heart with smiles as you work through your sorrow.

Big Big Hugs to all of you.

Sloan · 06-26-2008, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YorkieChick1

This tribute to John Wayne really touched my heart... I had to read it to my husband who was touched as well. We lost one of our Yorkies, Butchie, to a tragic accident too. He drowned in a neighbors pool. We beat ourselves up about it also with all the could have, would have and should have's. He was only 4 years old and my hubbie's favorite. Time will dull the pain but JW will always be in your heart. It has been 8 years for us and I can smile now when I see Butch's photo. But sometimes I will open up his music box that contain his ashes and hear the music "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away...." and I still get tears in my eyes. Sending you hugs and strength to get through this. Give a kiss to that new boy from us!

I read your post and it made me cry. I am so happy that the "you are my sunshine" song surrounds your baby's ashes. I remember that song being sung to me by my mother when I was very small....every once in awhile she will call me up and start singing it. It is the perfect song for a mother and her baby. Thank you so much for sharing. I will be extra cautious when my pup is near pools/water because of your story.

missdesis · 06-27-2008, 03:55 AM

Thank you sooo much for all the support. I am glad I found Yorkie Talk. It felt good to get out my pain and feel understood. This is a wonderful community!

RoxyJosMom · 06-28-2008, 02:20 PM

My heart aches for you. When ever we lose a life that was precious to us, we fill our minds with "What if's" and "Why didn't I's". We can't let those questions tear at us. I think all of us here have lost family members - either fur or skin or both - and we have all asked ourselves those questions over and over. I have become a firm believer in things happen for a reason. That reason may not be clear for a while, but in time, you will know. Maybe John Wayne knew there was a little furbaby that desperetely needed your love and he was willing to make the sacrifice so that little one could experience the love you gave him. Don't make yourself sick - JW wouldn't want you to do that. He would want you to smile when you think of him. He know's he won't be replaced. His special place in your heart will always be his. There is plenty of room for more special places for more little furbabies. In time, your heart will heal and you will be able to smile again. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

Patti · 06-28-2008, 03:32 PM

My heart goes out to you on your tragic loss. It was an accident and try not to blame yourself. God needed another little yorkie angel so he called John Wayne home. I know how mixed your emotions are right now. I list Dixie the end of January, she was 7 months old to a congenital kidney failure, the breeder gace me Roxie to help me heal. At first, I kept comparing the two and Roxie didn't measure up. But soon she was worming her way into my heart, now 5 months later, she is the sweetest little girl. She wakes me every morning by licking my eyelids and is the only one of my 4 that is glued to my side. She had big paws to fill but definately lived up to it. In time your new baby will find his own spot in your heart. Hugs

ryorkies · 07-01-2008, 07:34 AM

I am so very sorry for your loss.
It was in NO way your fault and only God's way of calling him on home.
When I read of these times I vision in my mind God calling our precious babies and saying to them, " Hello Precious One, It's time to come on home now ", and they are just so happy to see him again that they just keep running ..........
I hope your new puppy helps heal your broken heart and that you find comfort in realizing that you loved your little guy and he felt it every day that he was with you. What a precious and beautiful gift.

sondra2004 · 07-01-2008, 07:40 AM

I am sorry for your loss.Rest in Peace little one.

KathyinCali · 07-01-2008, 07:45 AM

I am so very sorry for your loss..Sending warm healing wishes your way...

crystalsmom · 07-04-2008, 03:36 AM

I am so sorry for your loss and I can feel your pain. Wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. Joan

06-26-2008, 07:29 PM	#1
missdesis Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: North East Ohio USA Posts: 57	In Beloved Memory John Wayne 6/14/2008 My husband and I decided to purchase a Yorkie almost two years ago. We chose one from a breeder close to home. He came with the name John Wayne. That is actually what helped us to fall in love with him before we even met. Finally the day came when he blessed us. From the moment we brought him home he brought us so much joy. He was my best friend! I am a work from home/stay at home mom. He was always there for me. Everyone loved him. He was truely amazing. He never had a moment in his life when he wasnt loved, even at the breeder. They were a small breeder and took great care of their pups. He was the golden child of the breed. Everyone loved him, truely. I made the fateful mistake of allowing him to roam my yard, attended but not leashed. The whole family knew to stay with him and he stayed in the yard. One day, something took his curiosity and he got away from my 8 year old son. I was unable to take him out myself because I was recovering from a total hip replacement. My son, thinking he would come back, got side tracked and moved on to something else. I will never forget the moment I realized he was gone. The local police knocked on my door... and that is when my world stopped. I was in disbelief that it was MY BABY! After my husband brought him home for his final farewell I didnt know what to do. Nothing I did could help that pain go away. It has been almost two weeks and I am still lost. I truely felt like someone had ripped my heart out. It felt as if I lost a child - in some ways I did. I think back to how I could have done things differently. I have to live with this guilt, yes I deserve it. I had the perfect pet for me and my family and one decision to not chain him out changed our world forever. Not a day goes by when I dont think about what I could have done. We made the decision today to get another yorkie baby. That was both bitter & sweet. I have a second chance, but do I deserve it? Everything our new baby does reminds me of John Wayne and I just think I should still be sitting with JW on my lap right now. I should be headed off to bed with him in tow. He should be able to meet his little brother and "show him the way." I am making him a beautiful garden around his final resting place. I visit him often and just talk. I wonder if I am ever going to see him again. I wonder if he forgives me for being so irresponsible. I wonder what he was thinking when he ran off. I wonder what I did to deserve to feel so much grief. I wonder why my time with him was so short. But I take some comfort in knowing that I had almost two wonderful years with him that I would not trade for anything. I am just being greedy and feel I should have had so many more. I knew what he meant to me. I always told him that when he was alive. I take comfort in knowing that I gave him my all and that he could not have been loved anymore. My emotions are still mixed and I just dont know what to do. I hope that time does heal this wound. But then I wonder if I deserve to be forgiven for letting something so important to me get away. No one understands the grief you experience when loosing a pet. I didnt understand until now. I feel like I am crazy for feeling the way I do. I just felt as if I could not go on. Some people made comments that were hurtful and placed blame, some just didnt want to listen. I didnt have anywhere else to go or anyone else to talk to. I hope that by posting this blog I will find the support that I need. If not, I am glad to just let it all out. John Wayne was wonderful. My new puppy is not to replace him, that is impossible. I think I was meant to get this puppy. I have a lot of love to give and didnt think it was fair to let it all go to waste. There are so many puppies out there that need a good loving home. This one is just more improved and loving.

06-26-2008, 08:12 PM	#3
MeganS Donating YT 7000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: New Jersey Posts: 12,016 Blog Entries: 1	I am in tears with reading your post. I can feel your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. You've done nothing wrong. It was a horrible, tragic, freak accident. It happens all the time, sadly. Bless you. you will be in my prayers. __________________ Megan "I have my dreams, I have made plans." - The Pirate Queen All Gave Some; Some Gave All

06-26-2008, 08:23 PM	#4
jeffandkim Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Austin, TX Posts: 109	You are not crazy for feeling this grief...I think you got it exactly right when you said that no one understands the grief of losing a pet, until they are forced to go through it. I don't think I really understood it until I lost my cat this past weekend. I can also sympathize with your guilt and questions about what more you could have done, because my little boy wasn't even 6 years old. Maybe if we'd brought him to the vet more, she would have had more time to figure out what was wrong...It's hard to let the questions go. I wasn't there when my cat died (he had been living with my parents for two years)--I was in Houston, on my way to see the new puppy my bf and I will be bringing home in a couple months. I felt so guilty, like I was already planning my cat's replacement. But in my heart, I know that nothing will ever replacement. This puppy will be so loved, but for who she is and not as some replacement for my cat. I have enough love for them both. This is longer than I meant it to be, but I just wanted you to know that I read your post and saw myself in it some, and I wanted to say that you aren't alone in your grief. Rest in peace, John Wayne, and best wishes to you and your new puppy, who is lucky to have you! __________________ Kim & Jeff and Ella & Jack

06-26-2008, 08:53 PM	#5
YorkieChick1 Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Bay Area, California Posts: 2,249	This tribute to John Wayne really touched my heart... I had to read it to my husband who was touched as well. We lost one of our Yorkies, Butchie, to a tragic accident too. He drowned in a neighbors pool. We beat ourselves up about it also with all the could have, would have and should have's. He was only 4 years old and my hubbie's favorite. Time will dull the pain but JW will always be in your heart. It has been 8 years for us and I can smile now when I see Butch's photo. But sometimes I will open up his music box that contain his ashes and hear the music "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you'll never know dear, how much I love you, Please don't take my sunshine away...." and I still get tears in my eyes. Sending you hugs and strength to get through this. Give a kiss to that new boy from us! __________________ Nanci 's her furbabies!! Brooke,Binky,Bunny,Buster & BooBoo And My Chichis: Baby & Bitsy There's nothing that brightens my day more than a puppy kiss!

06-26-2008, 09:19 PM	#6
4doggiemama Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: KS Posts: 3,290	My heart is breaking for you. I would think that all your questions are very normal to be asking. I sure you realize that many, many of us have made mistakes that can't be taken back. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Joanne __________________ Joanne Eli ChipperEva Snowboy Rosie(R.I.P. 1996-July 29, 2013) Cocoa(R.I.P 1998-April 26, 2012):

06-26-2008, 10:28 PM	#7
Sloan Luv Love LOVE My Boys! Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: San Luis Obispo, CA Posts: 2,220	My heart is filled with sadness for loss. Your story of John Wayne brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you and sending you comfort during this very difficult time. Your new pup is very lucky to be the recipient of so much love. He will fill your heart with smiles as you work through your sorrow. Big Big Hugs to all of you. __________________ Derby , Jockey & Baci's Mom

06-27-2008, 03:55 AM	#9
missdesis Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: North East Ohio USA Posts: 57	Thank you sooo much for all the support. I am glad I found Yorkie Talk. It felt good to get out my pain and feel understood. This is a wonderful community!

06-28-2008, 02:20 PM	#10
RoxyJosMom Love The Verminator! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: ny Posts: 4,282	My heart aches for you. When ever we lose a life that was precious to us, we fill our minds with "What if's" and "Why didn't I's". We can't let those questions tear at us. I think all of us here have lost family members - either fur or skin or both - and we have all asked ourselves those questions over and over. I have become a firm believer in things happen for a reason. That reason may not be clear for a while, but in time, you will know. Maybe John Wayne knew there was a little furbaby that desperetely needed your love and he was willing to make the sacrifice so that little one could experience the love you gave him. Don't make yourself sick - JW wouldn't want you to do that. He would want you to smile when you think of him. He know's he won't be replaced. His special place in your heart will always be his. There is plenty of room for more special places for more little furbabies. In time, your heart will heal and you will be able to smile again. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Hugs. __________________ Roxy loves Alphy Remi loves Millie [COLOR="Purple"]Mom to RoxyJo & Remington , Fozzy Bear & Chloe

06-28-2008, 03:32 PM	#11
Patti Donating YT 30K Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Illinois Posts: 35,509 Blog Entries: 6	My heart goes out to you on your tragic loss. It was an accident and try not to blame yourself. God needed another little yorkie angel so he called John Wayne home. I know how mixed your emotions are right now. I list Dixie the end of January, she was 7 months old to a congenital kidney failure, the breeder gace me Roxie to help me heal. At first, I kept comparing the two and Roxie didn't measure up. But soon she was worming her way into my heart, now 5 months later, she is the sweetest little girl. She wakes me every morning by licking my eyelids and is the only one of my 4 that is glued to my side. She had big paws to fill but definately lived up to it. In time your new baby will find his own spot in your heart. Hugs __________________ Cali Pixie Roxie : RIP Nikki; RIP Maya;RIP my sweet Dixie girl 1/17/08 http://callipuppyscastle.bravehost.com/index.html

07-01-2008, 07:34 AM	#12
ryorkies No Longer a Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Yorkieville Posts: 2,860	I am so very sorry for your loss. It was in NO way your fault and only God's way of calling him on home. When I read of these times I vision in my mind God calling our precious babies and saying to them, " Hello Precious One, It's time to come on home now ", and they are just so happy to see him again that they just keep running .......... I hope your new puppy helps heal your broken heart and that you find comfort in realizing that you loved your little guy and he felt it every day that he was with you. What a precious and beautiful gift.

07-01-2008, 07:40 AM	#13
sondra2004 Mommy's Love Bugs Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Northern Virginia! Posts: 1,670	I am sorry for your loss.Rest in Peace little one. __________________ Yorkies are like potato chips; you can't have just one! The PiNK Club

07-01-2008, 07:45 AM	#14
KathyinCali Love My Li'l Lucy Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Southern California Posts: 6,700	I am so very sorry for your loss..Sending warm healing wishes your way... __________________ Kathy and Lil' Lucy and Jammies Rest in Peace my Sweet Buster

07-04-2008, 03:36 AM	#15
crystalsmom Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Ohio Posts: 7,946	I am so sorry for your loss and I can feel your pain. Wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. Joan __________________