A little courtesy goes a long way... - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Nikko's_human · 04-13-2006, 07:53 AM

Allow me a general observation. First, I want to say that I love YT and love being part of a community that offers a wealth of information about our beloved breed. The folks that make up this community are a large group of intelligent, friendly, helpful, considerate and all around great people. It is my honor to be part of such a group. However, certain things have disturbed me lately and I feel I must be honest about it. Because we have so many knowledgable and opinionated people on here, it is pointless to expect that everyone is going to agree on every subject 100% of the time. The key in exchanging ideas however, is that you measure your words carefully so as not to offend anyone else. I know debates can get heated, and a little controversy never hurt anyone and can actually be healthy. However, when people reach out for help and advice and get insults and criticism instead, I feel that is where the line is crossed between help and offense. People who feel that they know better come across as condescending. People resort to insults or indirect hits at another person. Those who have been here longer make newbies feel like they don't belong and afraid to post. It takes away from what this is all about which is a community that celebrates the love and beauty of our beloved Yorkies. So my advice is simple: read your posts before you submit them. If you would be ok with someone sending that to you, then go ahead and post it. Otherwise use a little courtesy. It will take you a long way.

Disclaimer: NOT INTENDED FOR ANYONE SPECIFIC AND NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE TO ANYONE

BabyFidgette · 04-13-2006, 07:56 AM

I agree! So many YTers have posted these kind of "Let's All Be Friends" posts, but unfortunately the peace doesn't last very long.

We were all new once, and all had to start somewhere, right?

I've taken the vow of peace before, and I'll do it again!

chachi · 04-13-2006, 07:57 AM

I agree! I really dont think people mean their posts the way they come accross sometimes. I have been quilty of this myself a couple of times.

bchgirl · 04-13-2006, 08:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nikko's_human

Disclaimer: NOT INTENDED FOR ANYONE SPECIFIC AND NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE TO ANYONE

Sorry your disclaimer ticks me off

JK. I agree though sometimes I realize that how you read a post may "sound" totally different from the poster's intentions.

What people need to remind themselves, when you ask for opinions....that's what you get...someone else's opinion which may or may not be the same as yours.

Long and short of it.....
Play nice

BabyFidgette · 04-13-2006, 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bchgirl

Sorry your disclaimer ticks me off

JK. I agree though sometimes I realize that how you read a post may "sound" totally different from the poster's intentions.

What people need to remind themselves, when you ask for opinions....that's what you get...someone else's opinion which may or may not be the same as yours.

Long and short of it.....
Play nice

Isn't it sad we have to put disclaimers all the time? I do it too!

bchgirl · 04-13-2006, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BabyFidgette

Isn't it sad we have to put disclaimers all the time? I do it too!

I'm thinking of adding the following phase to my signature line....

Disclaimer...I am kidding

Thorsmomma · 04-13-2006, 08:10 AM

Man, I thought that the 'drama' around YT had been kept at a minimum for the past few weeks. Maybe I am missing something. I do agree that it is courteous to make sure you are saying something nice, etc, etc, but I also agree that sometimes the "tone" can be taken the wrong way. It was a nice reminder!

BabyFidgette · 04-13-2006, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bchgirl

I'm thinking of adding the following phase to my signature line....

Disclaimer...I am kidding

Good idea! Dare ya!

Disclaimer: "Dare ya!" statement is not said meanly and not meant to cause any trouble! LOL

J_is_my_initial · 04-13-2006, 08:17 AM

I almost left here just after coming here. All because a member pm'd me about the breeder I was going to. She did not mean to sound mean, but came across offensive. Yes, the breeder I was going to was not the best in the world, prob what you call a backyard breeder or puppy mill. I know that now though I would not trade Gypsy for the world. I had emailed this breeder (who pm'd) but could not afford the 1000 she wanted for her puppy. I did not know her enough to know if what she was telling me was correct or just because i did not go with her pup. After talking to the breeder's vet, I got Gypsy from her (the not the one who pm'd me). The breeder who talked to me was kinda condescending and while she did not make me mad, just uncomfortable wondering if everyone else on here would be the same.

lksdolls · 04-13-2006, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nikko's_human

Allow me a general observation. First, I want to say that I love YT and love being part of a community that offers a wealth of information about our beloved breed. The folks that make up this community are a large group of intelligent, friendly, helpful, considerate and all around great people. It is my honor to be part of such a group. However, certain things have disturbed me lately and I feel I must be honest about it. Because we have so many knowledgable and opinionated people on here, it is pointless to expect that everyone is going to agree on every subject 100% of the time. The key in exchanging ideas however, is that you measure your words carefully so as not to offend anyone else. I know debates can get heated, and a little controversy never hurt anyone and can actually be healthy. However, when people reach out for help and advice and get insults and criticism instead, I feel that is where the line is crossed between help and offense. People who feel that they know better come across as condescending. People resort to insults or indirect hits at another person. Those who have been here longer make newbies feel like they don't belong and afraid to post. It takes away from what this is all about which is a community that celebrates the love and beauty of our beloved Yorkies. So my advice is simple: read your posts before you submit them. If you would be ok with someone sending that to you, then go ahead and post it. Otherwise use a little courtesy. It will take you a long way.

Disclaimer: NOT INTENDED FOR ANYONE SPECIFIC AND NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE TO ANYONE

MEGA DITTOS!

Jaspermom · 04-13-2006, 08:23 AM

GREAT THREAD!!

As you read through a note, it's not always easy to discern what someone truly means by it. It's very hard to understand a person's true meaning when you do not see the person. Studies say that at least 60% of communication is non-verbal (or in our case, non-written). If you cannot see a person's face and body language, it is much more difficult to completely understand exactly HOW they MEAN their words to be interpretted. You can't see that wry smile that may mean someone is kidding. You can't see that puzzled frown if the person is confused. Therefore, how you take a post is TOTALLY your own interpretation. ASK YOURSELF... "did this person really mean this the way I am taking it?"

To prevent misunderstanding, it's always nice to PM the person IN PRIVATE. Don't make a public debate about something you may not completely understand.

Let's join hands and sing "WE ARE THE WORLD"... lololol

xDaisy's_Mummyx · 04-13-2006, 08:35 AM

Id just like to say how welcome everyone has made me feel. This is the friendliest forum i have found! But i totally understand how things can get misinterpreted. At the end of the day we all have are total love for our yorkies and wanting the best for them in common

sweetsophia · 04-13-2006, 08:41 AM

As a newbie to this site I would have to say I read posts on this site for months before deciding to actually become a part of this forum. After reading some of the posts between breeders I actually felt like at times there was more competition between breeders than camaraderie. I am not new to breeding just to breeding yorkies. Although I am highly concerned about the health and standards of the dogs I breed I realize you all do not really know me. I think that is what we all need to remember. I have been to probably over 100 websites or more of breeders. I have seen good ones and bad ones. But in the end I have to use my own instincts to try to decide whether I may or may not wish to purchase a puppy from a breeder. I came here to make friends, share pictures, share information, and just spread the yorkie love. If there comes a time when someone wishes to criticize my ability to breed a quality dog without showing them or my intentions I may choose to no longer participate. That being said, I do believe there is a wealth of knowledge here to be had and intend to suck some of it up. I also think I have alot to share from my own experiences and research. Let's face it gals most of us here just love yorkies and want to share that with others who also share our passion. I am not afraid of a little confrontation but when it comes to plain old criticizing or judgement of others you just need to be careful. Most of us really do not know others like we think we do. I am new and hope to become good friends with all. I did hesitate to participate for awhile because of some of the judging that appeared to take place. Just a note as she said to reread your posts before you send them and remember you can't always judge someone without reaaaalllly knowing them.

yorkiemom1970 · 04-13-2006, 09:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetsophia

After reading some of the posts between breeders I actually felt like at times there was more competition between breeders than camaraderie.

As a breeder myself, I have to agree with that part of your post 100%. I never knew how it really was among some breeders until joining forums. I know "most" of the breeders in my area. Some I don't but would love to. I also personally know breeders in SC, VA, IN. Meaning I have met them personally. I have learned alot about what goes on in the dog world and that you are always going to run into some that will try to discourage you. I have since learned that it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you as long as you are doing your very best and trying to better your breed. If all the breeders of any breed would just work together instead of trying to out do one another, can't you just imagine how much farther advanced we would be in our breed today? I'll help any breeder, new or experienced in any way I can. Breeding is not something that anyone is the best at. Now there are breeders who have been at it for a very long time who have tons of knowledge compared to others. But breeding is a life long learning experience and you never really stop learning no matter what.

YorkieRini · 04-13-2006, 10:45 AM

I am so glad you started this thread..
Along with common courtesy we need to remember respect (I'm sure you all are singing now..lol). I have talked with many breeders and some are nice and some are down right evil and I am NOT exagerating. Greed and jealousy the triggers IMO. Even though breeders all have their own opinions, theories, agendas, etc.. we need to respect one another. That is one of the big things I've learned just recently. I have to remind myself of that too. I think everyone should run their program like me to be quite honest. I realize now that others feel just as strong about their programs. Instead of saying who's runs a better program (gets us knowwhere really) we need to share best practices maybe we can help eachother improve. It's such a fine line though, we don't have to agree just respect. Ane we all know what resepct is. But do we show it....I am realizing that everyone is going to do what they feel is best for whatever reasons. As long as I respect them, like Robbie said we would be a lot farther along in perfecting our breed.
I am sorry to sound so preachy (what else is new) but I feel very strongly that respect is how we (everyone) can keep things on a more neutral ground and hopefully keep things from being taken personal. But reality is we do have those 'bad apples' who love to stir up trouble at the drop of a hat. My best advise is dont' let those ones get to you. They will get what they deserve. And I'm only speaking of those types of people that are evil and do things maliciously.

If I ever come across in a nasty way please bring it to my attention. That is not my intention.

Group hug

04-13-2006, 07:53 AM	#1
Nikko's_human Proudly owned by Nikko Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Bronx, New York Posts: 768	A little courtesy goes a long way... Allow me a general observation. First, I want to say that I love YT and love being part of a community that offers a wealth of information about our beloved breed. The folks that make up this community are a large group of intelligent, friendly, helpful, considerate and all around great people. It is my honor to be part of such a group. However, certain things have disturbed me lately and I feel I must be honest about it. Because we have so many knowledgable and opinionated people on here, it is pointless to expect that everyone is going to agree on every subject 100% of the time. The key in exchanging ideas however, is that you measure your words carefully so as not to offend anyone else. I know debates can get heated, and a little controversy never hurt anyone and can actually be healthy. However, when people reach out for help and advice and get insults and criticism instead, I feel that is where the line is crossed between help and offense. People who feel that they know better come across as condescending. People resort to insults or indirect hits at another person. Those who have been here longer make newbies feel like they don't belong and afraid to post. It takes away from what this is all about which is a community that celebrates the love and beauty of our beloved Yorkies. So my advice is simple: read your posts before you submit them. If you would be ok with someone sending that to you, then go ahead and post it. Otherwise use a little courtesy. It will take you a long way. Disclaimer: NOT INTENDED FOR ANYONE SPECIFIC AND NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE TO ANYONE __________________ NIKKO and his mommy NECEE

04-13-2006, 07:56 AM	#2
BabyFidgette Learn Yorkie CPR! Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: New Jersey Posts: 6,855	I agree! So many YTers have posted these kind of "Let's All Be Friends" posts, but unfortunately the peace doesn't last very long. We were all new once, and all had to start somewhere, right? I've taken the vow of peace before, and I'll do it again! __________________ Nicole & Baby "The more men I meet, the more I love my Yorkie!"

04-13-2006, 07:57 AM	#3
chachi I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana Posts: 37,147	I agree! I really dont think people mean their posts the way they come accross sometimes. I have been quilty of this myself a couple of times. __________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431 Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427

04-13-2006, 08:10 AM	#7
Thorsmomma I Love Thor Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: British Columbia, Canada Posts: 4,177 Blog Entries: 1	Man, I thought that the 'drama' around YT had been kept at a minimum for the past few weeks. Maybe I am missing something. I do agree that it is courteous to make sure you are saying something nice, etc, etc, but I also agree that sometimes the "tone" can be taken the wrong way. It was a nice reminder! __________________ Hannah & Thor & Harry The boys on DOGSTER

04-13-2006, 08:17 AM	#9
J_is_my_initial YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Knoxville,Tennessee Posts: 3,073	I almost left here just after coming here. All because a member pm'd me about the breeder I was going to. She did not mean to sound mean, but came across offensive. Yes, the breeder I was going to was not the best in the world, prob what you call a backyard breeder or puppy mill. I know that now though I would not trade Gypsy for the world. I had emailed this breeder (who pm'd) but could not afford the 1000 she wanted for her puppy. I did not know her enough to know if what she was telling me was correct or just because i did not go with her pup. After talking to the breeder's vet, I got Gypsy from her (the not the one who pm'd me). The breeder who talked to me was kinda condescending and while she did not make me mad, just uncomfortable wondering if everyone else on here would be the same. __________________ PAWPRINTS AND DOG HAIR ENHANCE MY PERSONAL STYLE.

04-13-2006, 08:23 AM	#11
Jaspermom Yorkies Rock My World! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: North Carolina Posts: 4,721	It's difficult to get true meaning sometimes GREAT THREAD!! As you read through a note, it's not always easy to discern what someone truly means by it. It's very hard to understand a person's true meaning when you do not see the person. Studies say that at least 60% of communication is non-verbal (or in our case, non-written). If you cannot see a person's face and body language, it is much more difficult to completely understand exactly HOW they MEAN their words to be interpretted. You can't see that wry smile that may mean someone is kidding. You can't see that puzzled frown if the person is confused. Therefore, how you take a post is TOTALLY your own interpretation. ASK YOURSELF... "did this person really mean this the way I am taking it?" To prevent misunderstanding, it's always nice to PM the person IN PRIVATE. Don't make a public debate about something you may not completely understand. Let's join hands and sing "WE ARE THE WORLD"... lololol __________________ Glad Mom to Jasper, Wosie & Dreama, RIP sweet babies.

04-13-2006, 08:35 AM	#12
xDaisy's_Mummyx Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: UK Posts: 53	Id just like to say how welcome everyone has made me feel. This is the friendliest forum i have found! But i totally understand how things can get misinterpreted. At the end of the day we all have are total love for our yorkies and wanting the best for them in common

04-13-2006, 08:41 AM	#13
sweetsophia Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 646	As a newbie to this site I would have to say I read posts on this site for months before deciding to actually become a part of this forum. After reading some of the posts between breeders I actually felt like at times there was more competition between breeders than camaraderie. I am not new to breeding just to breeding yorkies. Although I am highly concerned about the health and standards of the dogs I breed I realize you all do not really know me. I think that is what we all need to remember. I have been to probably over 100 websites or more of breeders. I have seen good ones and bad ones. But in the end I have to use my own instincts to try to decide whether I may or may not wish to purchase a puppy from a breeder. I came here to make friends, share pictures, share information, and just spread the yorkie love. If there comes a time when someone wishes to criticize my ability to breed a quality dog without showing them or my intentions I may choose to no longer participate. That being said, I do believe there is a wealth of knowledge here to be had and intend to suck some of it up. I also think I have alot to share from my own experiences and research. Let's face it gals most of us here just love yorkies and want to share that with others who also share our passion. I am not afraid of a little confrontation but when it comes to plain old criticizing or judgement of others you just need to be careful. Most of us really do not know others like we think we do. I am new and hope to become good friends with all. I did hesitate to participate for awhile because of some of the judging that appeared to take place. Just a note as she said to reread your posts before you send them and remember you can't always judge someone without reaaaalllly knowing them.

04-13-2006, 10:45 AM	#15
YorkieRini Livin' La Yorkie Local Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NE Ohio Posts: 1,607	I am so glad you started this thread.. Along with common courtesy we need to remember respect (I'm sure you all are singing now..lol). I have talked with many breeders and some are nice and some are down right evil and I am NOT exagerating. Greed and jealousy the triggers IMO. Even though breeders all have their own opinions, theories, agendas, etc.. we need to respect one another. That is one of the big things I've learned just recently. I have to remind myself of that too. I think everyone should run their program like me to be quite honest. I realize now that others feel just as strong about their programs. Instead of saying who's runs a better program (gets us knowwhere really) we need to share best practices maybe we can help eachother improve. It's such a fine line though, we don't have to agree just respect. Ane we all know what resepct is. But do we show it....I am realizing that everyone is going to do what they feel is best for whatever reasons. As long as I respect them, like Robbie said we would be a lot farther along in perfecting our breed. I am sorry to sound so preachy (what else is new) but I feel very strongly that respect is how we (everyone) can keep things on a more neutral ground and hopefully keep things from being taken personal. But reality is we do have those 'bad apples' who love to stir up trouble at the drop of a hat. My best advise is dont' let those ones get to you. They will get what they deserve. And I'm only speaking of those types of people that are evil and do things maliciously. If I ever come across in a nasty way please bring it to my attention. That is not my intention. Group hug Last edited by YorkieRini; 04-13-2006 at 10:49 AM.