Tough Subject Sorry so long - YorkieTalk.com Forums

mickey3696 · 04-06-2009, 08:01 AM

I dont know how to talk about this but I need to talk about it and I think more people need to know about what is going on.

My 15 year old daughter has a job after school one night a guy she goes to school with called her at work and asked if she could come talk to him about his sisters death. His sister was my daughters friend who was killed in a car crash last summer. She was texting and driving ran off the road and hit a tree. He told her he was having trouble dealing with her death. She tried to get him to wait till her boyfriend got off and talk to him but he wanted to talk to her so she went to meet him and talk. I dont know anyother way to say this but he then raped her. This was 2 months ago and I just found out about it. She said it was just as much her fault cause she went and put herself in that situation. He got mad cause the next day she told him to stay away from her and wouldnt talk to him so he went around telling everyone she slept with him. She lost all her friends and her boyfriend and everyone is calling her a slut. She refuses to go to the police or tell anyone what really went on. I dont know what to do. She has begged me not to say anything. I have told her it wasnt her fault and told her that he will do it to another girl but she doesnt want to do anything.

I have some MO i need to get in the mail and will get it dont today. I am sorry I havent got it done sooner.

I told my daughter that it upset me that she didnt come talk to me sooner. I have no idea what to do at this point.
Any advice would be welcomed!!

fon · 04-06-2009, 08:06 AM

i am so sorry this happened to your daughter ,

Little Bit · 04-06-2009, 08:10 AM

I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. I agree with you, she really needs to go to the police.

toke · 04-06-2009, 08:13 AM

I am so sorry about this, believe me. But I feel compelled to say that everything you say on a chatboard is public and can always be traced back to you some way. This may not be the best way to reach for the help you and your daughter need. This story could affect her in a negative way in her real life down the road. The Internet is a very dangerous place for anything you need to keep private...

Charlene1963 · 04-06-2009, 08:16 AM

She is underage-you can go to the police on her behalf. She may need some counselling and could have difficulty in her own relationships. She is not old enough to decide what to do. You could call the guidance counsellor at her school for advice.

This creep might do it to someone else-maybe even her again if he gets a chance.

Mom to Hot Rod · 04-06-2009, 08:19 AM

I am sorry that this happened to your daughter. I would try to find help for her by way of a crisis center. Hopefully they will be able to help her through this and she will figure out how to deal with this on her terms. I agree that she should report this to the police but if this is going to traumatize her more, then maybe the crisis counselor will be able to direct her in how to handle this. Healing prayers to your daughter and you. Hugs.

mickey3696 · 04-06-2009, 08:26 AM

we are going to go for counselling today. I have talked to the crisis center in our area and they have sent me to this lady. They told me not to push her and that they will help her do the right thing in the right time for her.

enge55 · 04-06-2009, 08:30 AM

She absolutely needs to talk to a rape counselor. She can do this by phone and remain anonymous if she wants to. But keeping it inside will only make the pain grow. It will be harder getting a criminal conviction based on the time lapse, especially in a smaller town, but a counselor can help her with that decision. I would suspect she didn't want to tell you because she respects your opinion and worries that you would be disappointed in her even though she did nothing wrong. But this is something that won't fix itself. At the very least, she needs to see a doctor in case of pregnancy or STDs. Hopefully in time she will see that any friend or boyfriend that doesn't believe her when she says it was rape and not consensual is not worth having in her life.

mickey3696 · 04-06-2009, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by enge55

She absolutely needs to talk to a rape counselor. She can do this by phone and remain anonymous if she wants to. But keeping it inside will only make the pain grow. It will be harder getting a criminal conviction based on the time lapse, especially in a smaller town, but a counselor can help her with that decision. I would suspect she didn't want to tell you because she respects your opinion and worries that you would be disappointed in her even though she did nothing wrong. But this is something that won't fix itself. At the very least, she needs to see a doctor in case of pregnancy or STDs. Hopefully in time she will see that any friend or boyfriend that doesn't believe her when she says it was rape and not consensual is not worth having in her life.

She has never told anyone it was rape even me. I had to tell her that what he done was rape. I did talk to her and help her understand that she needs to talk to someone today. I also have got her an appt. to see her DR. today.

Hooks_Yorkie · 04-06-2009, 08:46 AM

The way that your daughter is acting, then I believe it would be unwise to force her to deal with the incident. I do a lot of work with victims of sexual assault and the emotional strength that it takes for them to finally open up to an individual is already exhausting so being forced to confront it when she is not ready could create an even more negative impact.

I really wouldn't focus on getting her to go to the police. The reaction of others around her and everyone calling her a "slut" means that it would largely come to a situation of "He-said-She-Said", which carries another can of worms.

She already made the step to come to you and talk to you about it which is a huge step for her and it was in 2 months. Get her to talk to you more and don't focus on the reporting aspect of it at the beginning and get her to understand that it isn't her fault and talk to her about what she feels and what she wants to do.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not force her to do something that she is unwilling to do. She is telling you right now that she does not want to go to the police. I will be completely honest and I have seen it from many different occasions that the police and the experience of it can be liberating for many victims, but it a tough experience and she will need your reassurance during that time but if you force her then she could grow to resent you and lash out.

I know that your first instinct is to get justice, but that justice is never as perfect as you want it to be. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

mickey3696 · 04-06-2009, 09:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hooks_Yorkie

The way that your daughter is acting, then I believe it would be unwise to force her to deal with the incident. I do a lot of work with victims of sexual assault and the emotional strength that it takes for them to finally open up to an individual is already exhausting so being forced to confront it when she is not ready could create an even more negative impact.

I really wouldn't focus on getting her to go to the police. The reaction of others around her and everyone calling her a "slut" means that it would largely come to a situation of "He-said-She-Said", which carries another can of worms.

She already made the step to come to you and talk to you about it which is a huge step for her and it was in 2 months. Get her to talk to you more and don't focus on the reporting aspect of it at the beginning and get her to understand that it isn't her fault and talk to her about what she feels and what she wants to do.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not force her to do something that she is unwilling to do. She is telling you right now that she does not want to go to the police. I will be completely honest and I have seen it from many different occasions that the police and the experience of it can be liberating for many victims, but it a tough experience and she will need your reassurance during that time but if you force her then she could grow to resent you and lash out.

I know that your first instinct is to get justice, but that justice is never as perfect as you want it to be. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

These are all the reasons we are taking this one day at a time. I do not want to push or rush her into anything. I did not know how to handel it so I called the rape crisis center and they have said everything you have said.
My first thought was to go kill the kid. My second thought was to go tell his parents that there son was using there dead daughter to rape girls. We live in a very small town in the middle of nowhere and trust me it is going to be a she said he said deal.
Like I said we are taking this one day at a time.

Thank you for your info!!!!

QuickSilver · 04-06-2009, 10:33 AM

I am so sorry. I am glad your daughter finally told you so you can help her heal. I think Hooks_Yorkie has given you so very good advice.

bcrass2 · 04-06-2009, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mickey3696

These are all the reasons we are taking this one day at a time. I do not want to push or rush her into anything. I did not know how to handel it so I called the rape crisis center and they have said everything you have said.
My first thought was to go kill the kid. My second thought was to go tell his parents that there son was using there dead daughter to rape girls. We live in a very small town in the middle of nowhere and trust me it is going to be a she said he said deal.
Like I said we are taking this one day at a time.

Thank you for your info!!!!

We live in a small town also and I have had a similar situtation happen to us. This 21yr old raped my 14yr old and then started dating my 18yr old. He was a very good looking kid! Very smooth. I liked him a lot!! My daughter went to my nephew and spilled her guts to him. He told his dad (my brother) and It was on! My husband was walking over to the kids' house ready to kill him. He got arrested. When he told the police what was going on they investigated. 5 other girls under 18 were also victims. He now is in Jail. We went to court and he is serving 10yrs. They will release him to another county when he gets out. It has been a hard road for my daughter. Two yrs later she is stronger because of it! We went through lots of counseling. All I can say to you is your daughter will come around. It's embarssing for her to talk about it. Who knows how many girls this kid has already done this to! My prayers and thoughts are with you.

manolos mom · 04-06-2009, 10:44 AM

Im so sorry this has happened to your daughter and to you because we hurt for our daughters. Good Luck and God Bless.

Wabbit · 04-06-2009, 10:44 AM

How awful!!!! The sad thing about this whole sitation is that the CREEP that did that to her has probably done it to other girls!!! He BELONGS in JAIL!!! However the fact that she doesn't want to report it....you have to respect her decision...but you need to remind her that in NO WAY was she responsible because she responded to his "cries for help"!!!!!! That does NOT give him the right to abuse her!!!

I just hope that someday some girl has the ability to go to the authorities so that monster can be where he belongs!

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter!!!

04-06-2009, 08:01 AM	#1
mickey3696 Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hemphill, Texas Posts: 632	Tough Subject Sorry so long I dont know how to talk about this but I need to talk about it and I think more people need to know about what is going on. My 15 year old daughter has a job after school one night a guy she goes to school with called her at work and asked if she could come talk to him about his sisters death. His sister was my daughters friend who was killed in a car crash last summer. She was texting and driving ran off the road and hit a tree. He told her he was having trouble dealing with her death. She tried to get him to wait till her boyfriend got off and talk to him but he wanted to talk to her so she went to meet him and talk. I dont know anyother way to say this but he then raped her. This was 2 months ago and I just found out about it. She said it was just as much her fault cause she went and put herself in that situation. He got mad cause the next day she told him to stay away from her and wouldnt talk to him so he went around telling everyone she slept with him. She lost all her friends and her boyfriend and everyone is calling her a slut. She refuses to go to the police or tell anyone what really went on. I dont know what to do. She has begged me not to say anything. I have told her it wasnt her fault and told her that he will do it to another girl but she doesnt want to do anything. I have some MO i need to get in the mail and will get it dont today. I am sorry I havent got it done sooner. I told my daughter that it upset me that she didnt come talk to me sooner. I have no idea what to do at this point. Any advice would be welcomed!! __________________ Angel,Muffy,&Buddy

04-06-2009, 08:06 AM	#2
fon YT Addict Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: chambersburg pa Posts: 316 Blog Entries: 1	i am so sorry this happened to your daughter , __________________ Fon ,JaceyTaleighGunner RIP Sierra 6/27/00-7/2/2008 RIP Cassie 1/8/01-12-14-10

04-06-2009, 08:10 AM	#3
Little Bit Tiny Dog Big Heart Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 6,205	I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. I agree with you, she really needs to go to the police. __________________ Little Bit

04-06-2009, 08:16 AM	#5
Charlene1963 Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Nova Scotia Posts: 166	She is underage-you can go to the police on her behalf. She may need some counselling and could have difficulty in her own relationships. She is not old enough to decide what to do. You could call the guidance counsellor at her school for advice. This creep might do it to someone else-maybe even her again if he gets a chance. __________________ Charlene and Ziggy Member of the Little Gentleman's Club

04-06-2009, 08:19 AM	#6
Mom to Hot Rod Donating YT 5000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: MD Posts: 10,908	I am sorry that this happened to your daughter. I would try to find help for her by way of a crisis center. Hopefully they will be able to help her through this and she will figure out how to deal with this on her terms. I agree that she should report this to the police but if this is going to traumatize her more, then maybe the crisis counselor will be able to direct her in how to handle this. Healing prayers to your daughter and you. Hugs. __________________ www.kissecollar.com Soft Cone Collars for Post-surgery and much more! 10% (non-food) - Discount code YT10

04-06-2009, 08:13 AM	#4
toke YT Addict Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 258	I am so sorry about this, believe me. But I feel compelled to say that everything you say on a chatboard is public and can *always* be traced back to you some way. This may not be the best way to reach for the help you and your daughter need. This story could affect her in a negative way in her real life down the road. The Internet is a very dangerous place for anything you need to keep private...

04-06-2009, 08:26 AM	#7
mickey3696 Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Hemphill, Texas Posts: 632	we are going to go for counselling today. I have talked to the crisis center in our area and they have sent me to this lady. They told me not to push her and that they will help her do the right thing in the right time for her. __________________ Angel,Muffy,&Buddy

04-06-2009, 08:30 AM	#8
enge55 Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Kansas City, Mo Posts: 39	She absolutely needs to talk to a rape counselor. She can do this by phone and remain anonymous if she wants to. But keeping it inside will only make the pain grow. It will be harder getting a criminal conviction based on the time lapse, especially in a smaller town, but a counselor can help her with that decision. I would suspect she didn't want to tell you because she respects your opinion and worries that you would be disappointed in her even though she did nothing wrong. But this is something that won't fix itself. At the very least, she needs to see a doctor in case of pregnancy or STDs. Hopefully in time she will see that any friend or boyfriend that doesn't believe her when she says it was rape and not consensual is not worth having in her life. __________________ Dog's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the cat did it.

04-06-2009, 08:46 AM	#10
Hooks_Yorkie No Longer a Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Nashville,TN Posts: 158 Blog Entries: 5	The way that your daughter is acting, then I believe it would be unwise to force her to deal with the incident. I do a lot of work with victims of sexual assault and the emotional strength that it takes for them to finally open up to an individual is already exhausting so being forced to confront it when she is not ready could create an even more negative impact. I really wouldn't focus on getting her to go to the police. The reaction of others around her and everyone calling her a "slut" means that it would largely come to a situation of "He-said-She-Said", which carries another can of worms. She already made the step to come to you and talk to you about it which is a huge step for her and it was in 2 months. Get her to talk to you more and don't focus on the reporting aspect of it at the beginning and get her to understand that it isn't her fault and talk to her about what she feels and what she wants to do. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not force her to do something that she is unwilling to do. She is telling you right now that she does not want to go to the police. I will be completely honest and I have seen it from many different occasions that the police and the experience of it can be liberating for many victims, but it a tough experience and she will need your reassurance during that time but if you force her then she could grow to resent you and lash out. I know that your first instinct is to get justice, but that justice is never as perfect as you want it to be. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

04-06-2009, 10:33 AM	#12
QuickSilver Thor's Human Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: San Francisco, CA Posts: 5,929 Blog Entries: 31	I am so sorry. I am glad your daughter finally told you so you can help her heal. I think Hooks_Yorkie has given you so very good advice. __________________ If you love something, set it free. Unless it's an angry tiger.

04-06-2009, 10:44 AM	#14
manolos mom Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 7,982	Im so sorry this has happened to your daughter and to you because we hurt for our daughters. Good Luck and God Bless. __________________ Ethical Breeders follow and support http://www.ytca.org/

04-06-2009, 10:44 AM	#15
Wabbit Love my little flowers Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: In Gorgeous Montana!!! Posts: 4,499	How awful!!!! The sad thing about this whole sitation is that the CREEP that did that to her has probably done it to other girls!!! He BELONGS in JAIL!!! However the fact that she doesn't want to report it....you have to respect her decision...but you need to remind her that in NO WAY was she responsible because she responded to his "cries for help"!!!!!! That does NOT give him the right to abuse her!!! I just hope that someday some girl has the ability to go to the authorities so that monster can be where he belongs! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter!!! __________________ Tam Flower babies: *Daizy Mae and Tulip Petals* RIP Honey Rose & Jasmine