Bonding with my Yorkie

[Miranda619]

I do not work. I spend all day with my 5 mo old Yorkie. We've had him since January. I feed him, I walk him, I train him, I groom him, I pretty much do everything for him. We started out okay but this past month has changed. I feel like he doesn't like me. The minute my husband walks in the door he gets so excited. My husband basically just plays with him. Training goes out the window once he gets home. My dog will not listen to me at all. He hides behind my husband when I give him a command. Of course when he doesn't respond I get aggravated and he can probably sense this.

I don't feel like my puppy and I have a strong bond. It's almost like he tolerates me because I feed him and take him for walks. It does hurt my feelings because I'm the one that does everything plus the dirty work. All my husband does is play fetch with him, he'll also go to the dog park with us on the weekends. I can tell my dog adores him and he goes nuts when my husband is around.

I can't believe this has gotten to me the way it has. I try so hard to bond with him and it just isn't there. I've tried giving him his space because I know sometimes they don't want to be smothered. He likes to sit by me but doesn't like to cuddle but he'll sleep on my husband's lap or cuddle right next to him. I thought that he would bond with me because I am the "source" of all his needs. We also have play time together but he gets bored very quickly and walks away from me. He can go on and on with my husband.

I am obviously an emotional person so I am wondering if he senses this and keeps his distance. When we're at home alone he listens but when my husband is here he ignores me. Of course I get emotional but I try not to show it and other times I do raise my voice which makes it even worse. Forget it if I show any kind of anger like raising my voice, he'll stay away from me all day. He is very sensitive, I've never come across a dog like him. Although, if my husband raises his voice at him, it doesn't bother him.

One time when we first got him I lightly swatted him on the behind. I knew this was wrong and I felt horrible about it. I haven't done it since. We seemed okay after that. I think it hurt me more than it hurt him. It just seems like the past month or so things have changed. Did that one mistake destroy our bond? Sometimes it seems he's scared of me. Or am I reading him wrong? The whole looking down when I give him a command or walking slowly towards me? It makes me feel like he fears me. I really need help because I want us to have a better relationship. I do not want my dog to fear me.

I've done a ton of research and everything I come across tells me to do things I already do such as walk him, feed him, groom him, etc. We're going to puppy training at Petsmart, alone of course, because my husband doesn't participate. We've only been to one class so far and the trainer pretty much told me the same thing...go on walks, feed him, treat him, groom him....I'm doing it and he still forgets who I am once my husband is home. What now?

Has anyone ever gone through this? Is it possible to make things better or has my puppy bonded with my husband for good? I want us all to have a loving and healthy relationship. It's not just about him liking one more than the other. I like that he loves my husband, although, I am a little jealous because I wish he felt the same way about me.

Any suggestions?

[yorkiemini]

You may already be doing this, but whatever you do make it FUN - laughing, smiling, praising and treats of course. Find out what his favorite thing to do is and do that with him.

Good luck!

[kjc]

Have you apologized to him yet? Sit with him on your lap and sincerely tell him you are so sorry for hitting him and it will never ever happen again! I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I love you so much. You're such a good boy! And give him a cuddle and a kiss.

Join in on the celebration when Daddy comes home! If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! You won't be able to beat this.

Training should be limited to short periods throughout the day. Do some fun things where he can just be a silly puppy. Don't scold him for bad stuff, but do praise and reward with treats when he does good things, he'll learn faster what is expected from you and not be fearful. Redirect his attention to a toy when he's doing something wrong or getting into trouble.

Back off a bit and let him come to you. He'll get curious what you're up to and will seek you out. Stop worrying and be happy! Happiness is contagious and will draw him to you like a magnet.

[windwalker]

Two things, one, you are with him all the time, husband is a special treat when he comes home, accept this and enjoy him during day and share when hubby's home.
Also co-ordinate with husband on training and expectations. I've trained dogs all my life, my wife just "Had" dogs as a kid, never really trained them. Had to teach and explain the Hows and Whys of dog behavior and training to her. When I was training at a Professional Training kennel both Obedience and protection, we used to have a saying, "you can train the dog in a few days, it will take 6 weeks to train the owner". Dogs can have favorites like people, but it could also be the "Haven't seen you all day" excitement and the lack of expectations, just playtime with hubby.
But we plan on getting two Yorkies so we each have our own

[momofonly]

Could it be that he sees your husband as the leader of the pack?

I had a similiar situation several years ago. When I met my husband, I had two chihuahuas. The first time they met him, they barked like crazy. The second time they met him, the "alpha" dog squeaked and rubbed his head all over my future husband's leg. From that day forward, it was obvious the "alpha" dog preferred my husband over me, even though I was the one who fed him, took him out, cuddled him, picked up after him etc. I think sometimes dogs just have their favorites, for whatever reason.

[tjdmom]

Is your husband more the fun parent and you are more the disciplinarian? I would make every thing all about fun. That's the best way to get him trained anyways. If he's having fun and you have the good treats then I think that can go a long way.

[wemple2]

I do have a similar situation. Winston adores his daddy, even though he spends more time with me. I feed him, groom him/take him to the groomer & vet, train him and I'm the only one that knows how to open the door and take him outside to potty. lol... Even so, when my husband comes home it's like all fun...I've never seen anything like the bond between the two of them. But I know, deep down inside that Winston loves me...if he doesn't feel well or something is wrong...he runs to me. I always jokingly say that my husband is Winston's favorite toy. Relax...he knows who the nurturer is, give it time, he'll come around. If I can help you through this at all, please ask...let me know.

[Maximo]

Yorkies are very sensitive to our emotions. Relax and make things fun! It will be good for both of you. Talk to your pup as you go through your daily routine. I talk to my boys all day: "Hi puppy! Whatcha doing? You have a toy for me? I have to wash the dishes first. Want to watch?" or "Is it lunch time? Oh boy! Let's make lunch."

They love hearing their names and having me say sweet nothings too: "There's my Maxman. My beautiful baby." Or I tease them.

It is possible for dogs to bond with more than one person. My boys are equally bonded with me and their grandpa, who lives with us. They have little routines with each of us.

Although Max and I are close as can be, he goes gaga when my brother visits. Max swoons for him! I joke that Max would probably go home with him if he could, but really, I think it is just the added fun of having my brother around.

Here is a great video that reminds me of how silly we are in our house -- although we aren't always so loud or animated :

Twisted Sisters, Hope and Rosey - The ORIGINAL -...

[Rhetts_mama]

Daddy is novel. You stay all day, daddy comes and goes. And when he comes home, it's play time. Of course the puppy is going to find that exciting and gravitate towards that, just like kids do.

Some dogs do have a preference for one person over another. My Scarlett absolutely adores my husband. It's taken time for her to get that excited about seeing me.

You can't worry about competing with your husband for the puppy's affections; it's a losing proposition all the way around. Build your own relationship with him based on affection and positive reinforcement.

[yorkietalkjilly]

I suspect that your dog fears and mistrusts you, sensing you might have a bit of a hair trigger, whether you do or not. The fact that you lost your patience with a very young dog and quickly though lightly swatted his butt says that he senses you might be not be trustworthy and are easily angered, even by a youthful, rambunctious puppy who couldn't have really known all the rules at the time he was swatted. So, I'd start all over with him and just do one thing over and over until I got success and a happy dog.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Just start out with him and teach him one thing. Just teach him to do one single thing for right now and build on that and gain his trust, let him see success in responding to you and you two will always have that between you to build upon. He'll learn that you are trustworthy, that you really are patient and that you are going to work with him.

Teach him to come the easy way. Just get his favorite treats, say warm, boiled chicken - whatever he loves most in the world. Just before dinner when he's good and hungry, sit down with him right in front of you on the floor and say "Come" and hand him a treat. Repeat - "Come" and immediately treat. Do that for 10 times in a row and stop, let him outside to play and go about your business. Repeat that lesson just before bedtime when it's time for a snack. Come equals treat - he'll be learning that for now.

Next day run through this exercise three times a day. In his mind, he's beginning to learn that saying the word "Come" means he gets an immediate treat. You are charging the word "come" to mean "treat" in his mind and associate coming to you with good food. He will hear "come" and think "treat" the more you keep having these short training sessions with him.

In a week's time, get the treats and sit down and smile really big and gently push him back from you slightly - about two feet away and say "come" and he'll quickly cover the two feet to get the treat that he now understands is what automatically should happen every time he hears that word. Begin to praise him now every time he comes running and say "Gooooood boy" as you hand him his treat. Now, push him back two feet away and say "come" and he'll come scooting to get that treat and praise. Repeat 8 more times. Repeatedly keep up those training sessions, moving him further from you away every couple of days until he has to cross the room to come get his treat and praise once you say the word "come".

Get someone to hold him and you say the word "come". He will struggle to get away from that person to come get his treat and in the process, he'll be teaching himself that he's got to overcome whatever obstacle there is to get to you and that treat and praise the minute he hearts the word "come". In time, you can go outside and practice with him just sitting in front of you just as you did when you first started and gradually pushing him back two feet away and so on until you are calling him from across the yard while he's outside playing and he comes running to get his treat and praise.

See where this is going? You've charged the word "come" to equal treat to this guy and is you train him just as described and don't jump ahead, you will have a dog that will come running to get his due - his treat and praise. After he's immediately coming to you 99% of the time when called, start leaving off the treat every 10th time he comes and in stead, really get in his face and smile, praise him happily and let him know how pleased you are with him. Really celebrate that he came to you. Be happy and let him know it. Keep treating him and praising him but each 10th time he comes, only praise and celebrate with him, speaking in a high, squeaky voice that dogs love and really party it up that he came to you, clapping your hands and rubbing his flank and chest, tickling his thigh, rubbing his ears. In time, he'll learn that coming to you not only gets him great treats most every time, you are there waiting just crazy happy and proud of what he's just done and he'll WANT to come to you for that fun time and party atmosphere you'll create. The more fun and squeaky the voice, the more excited he'll get to come to you.

Always remember to give commands in a happy, upbeat voice and make the dog actually want to respond. Many trainers think they have to bark out military type commands when it actually intimidates some dogs and they don't care to train in that mood. Keep training fun, upbeat, happy and a game to your dog - a game he wins every time he does what you've asked - in this case - coming to you for his instant reward and praise. Eventually, just his owner's happy praise is enough for dogs most of the time once they have learned the "come" command, though I still almost always give Tibbe a piece of kibble treat when he comes running from a distance when I call him. And he always gets his praise and smile - some days big celebrations and happy dances - simply for coming to me. It never grows old with dogs to make life happy for them.

Just keep building on that and before you know it, you'll have a dog whom you have taught to come to you when you say "come" because he's associated the act of coming to you with great reward and fun, even taught himself to overcome obstacles to get to you and his positive reinforcement and enjoy your smiling, happy pride in him. He'll think you are fun to come to and be around. He'll want to work for your smiles and pride in him. He'll preen under your smiling eyes. You'll be on your way to getting you dog's trust and affection back with just the one training exercise and you can build on that.

[JPalmCity]

I have a similar problem. My yorkie puppy will be 6 months old next week and will be spayed. I have done everything for my girl since we brought her home. I am the only one who feeds her, takes her out and I play with her 2 hours during the day and 2 hours every night. Right after playing she runs to my husband to cuddle for the night. She never cuddles with me. I have two other dogs, 3 yrs. old who I also did everything for and they also seem to bond more with my husband. My yorkie was supposed to be my little girl. Sometimes I feel she just tolerates me. I do not know what else to do.

[GracieJane]

Gracie is our second yorkie, preceded by Mercy, who survived our three kids and was equally loved and spoiled by them. We used to laugh that she had a priority system. Daddy was her favorite until I sat down, and she would desert him in a split second.

You might want to spend some of those hours just sitting with your baby instead of playing. Let her learn that your lap/side is a quiet place to rest. She may just think that you are for play and he is for quiet cuddles! If that doesn't work, resort to bribery!