Crystal's Blog # 6 - Bath Time!
Gawd take a look, what was this all about, I ask you? There I was busily turning over the waste bin in the old boy's room when boink! I was grabbed and taken to the little room where the thing with a handle on the side lives, that dad uses a lot! Then I was dumped into a monstrosity with walls as big as the Hoover dam. Well I can tell you girls this structure is a real nightmare. It's made of super shiny slippery stuff a real bummer to keep upright if you've got your heels on. Then they opened the sluice gates. The old girl started chortling away, with all this 'Zere's a good girl etc'. Now we all know thats a 'Red Alert', as they come at you, with brushes, combs, scissors, sprays, eyewash and all the other items that live in the Torture Chamber cupboard.
This time I got smucked with a thing called shampoo, yuk, even tasted awful. They'd had a right old barney about where this stuff was too, as its special for me apparently, I think the old boy had used it on himself by mistake when they eventually retrieved it. They then both blamed each for losing it etc. Top Tip: I love these times as you can always pick em off afterwards! Usually they both try to grab you and get a 'big kiss', if you get my drift? The old boy was saying, 'Nothing to do with me Crystal' he only uses my Sunday name when he wants to side with me and she's saying 'You vill smell weddy nice leetle girl da' - as she half drowns me! I believe the old man, cos he never uses the Hoover dam fully, but stands under the big spray bitsa that buggered me up good time today! Anyway, I digress, just when I think it's time for an SOS and the coastguard, he turns up with the photoshop again. This was the last straw girls, we all hate being seen with wet hair and not made up, but in camera - snapping away at my thin patch too, for Christ's sakes, where's my agent when I need him! I fought all the way - but honestly you might as well let em get on with it, fill their boots and move on - its quicker! However the final stage of this humiliation was just too much! That loud blowy bit of kit, she's always using, no way! They gave up when I went into one of my '300 rpm flying forward, one-and-a-half somersaults, with pike corkscrew and half turns manoeuvres' - oh yes! They can be so persistent at times though! He fetches a huge cloth and rubbed me, whilst she cooing and billing in Ural speak, assaulted my lugs with a smaller version.
Top tip: Don't let em get away with it unmarked girls. I headed straight for the wardrobe mirrors and shook every last drop all over em - well I'm only a dog after all!
This time I got smucked with a thing called shampoo, yuk, even tasted awful. They'd had a right old barney about where this stuff was too, as its special for me apparently, I think the old boy had used it on himself by mistake when they eventually retrieved it. They then both blamed each for losing it etc. Top Tip: I love these times as you can always pick em off afterwards! Usually they both try to grab you and get a 'big kiss', if you get my drift? The old boy was saying, 'Nothing to do with me Crystal' he only uses my Sunday name when he wants to side with me and she's saying 'You vill smell weddy nice leetle girl da' - as she half drowns me! I believe the old man, cos he never uses the Hoover dam fully, but stands under the big spray bitsa that buggered me up good time today! Anyway, I digress, just when I think it's time for an SOS and the coastguard, he turns up with the photoshop again. This was the last straw girls, we all hate being seen with wet hair and not made up, but in camera - snapping away at my thin patch too, for Christ's sakes, where's my agent when I need him! I fought all the way - but honestly you might as well let em get on with it, fill their boots and move on - its quicker! However the final stage of this humiliation was just too much! That loud blowy bit of kit, she's always using, no way! They gave up when I went into one of my '300 rpm flying forward, one-and-a-half somersaults, with pike corkscrew and half turns manoeuvres' - oh yes! They can be so persistent at times though! He fetches a huge cloth and rubbed me, whilst she cooing and billing in Ural speak, assaulted my lugs with a smaller version.
Top tip: Don't let em get away with it unmarked girls. I headed straight for the wardrobe mirrors and shook every last drop all over em - well I'm only a dog after all!
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 |  You are such a gifted writer! I can easily imagine Crystal herself writing each entry. Please keep them coming! Shannon |
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